“Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.” My wife and I started our journey in 2006 with a simple greeting and hug at an event in college. We always joke about how that first encounter happened, as she claims I tell a different version every time I tell the story. I always said our journey was like a fairytale that we were living out in reality. And thus, the ER Story began.
I served in the United States Marine Corps for 7 years. In 2008, I was activated to Iraq for one year and had to say a brief goodbye to my heart. This was my second tour – I did a tour in Iraq in 2004 – but this time felt a little different. I was attached to an infantry unit and didn’t know if I would return; and if I did, would I be the same person. I’ve read many stories, even experienced situations, where a relationship was torn due to the mental state of a service member upon returning from war. Out of fear of how this deployment would impact her, I began to push her away. I couldn’t imagine putting her through this – or even worse, having her receive a letter stating I was killed in action. I never had anyone speak to my heart the way she did (still does). She encouraged me and supported me throughout that year in ways I couldn’t imagine. I still have every letter she wrote me and I’ve even shared this story with our daughters.
When I returned, the first item I purchased was an engagement ring because I knew she was going to be my queen for the rest of my life. Throughout our relationship, we’ve always discussed what our family dynamics would be. I’ve always discussed with her my dreams of having three children and adopting one. Amazingly, she had the same aspirations. When we first got married in 2010, our goal was to wait a year before we started having children. During a routine physical, she was informed by her doctor that it would be extremely difficult for her to have children. Of course, this broke our hearts beyond measure; but we were not accepting that to be our fate. After much prayer, we alternated the plans. After months of trying and what seem like doing arithmetic plugging in dates and numbers trying to find the Pythagorean theorem for conception, we grew a little discouraged. God is always on time and knew we needed our miracle. To say we cried when we heard our first daughter’s heartbeat would be an understatement. Although her delivery was delayed due to our daughter’s head being stuck, my wife delivered a healthy baby girl.
The doctor meant well; but God had other plans. Our second pregnancy appeared to be smooth sailing until delivery day. There is nothing scarier than the fear of losing the love of your life while giving life to your child. What started out as a routine c-section and delivery of our second baby girl, turned into a living nightmare. A day that started with tears of joy quickly turned into fear as my queen, the mother of my children, was not only in pain but was hemorrhaging uncontrollably. What’s worse, the doctors could not figure out why and they could not stop it. Her mother was there during our first delivery; and naturally was present for this second one. The horror in her face and the pain in my wife’s face still haunts me to this day. There was no time for fear as I had to do all I could to keep them both calm. My wife was in pain and I couldn’t let the doctor turn her pain into fear by describing their concerns. A specialist had to come from a nearby hospital before they were able to fully stop the bleeding and stabilize her.
A few weeks later, we decided it was best not to try for the third baby. We didn’t realize until about a year ago that we never truly discussed what happened. For the first time, I shared with her and honestly admitted to myself the fear I experienced thinking I could have lost her in that hospital room. After discussing the rollercoaster of emotions in that hospital room, we realized that we cannot allow fear to win. There was a chapter missing from our story. It’s at that time we revisited the idea of completing our family through adoption.
Our hearts have always been set on adopting since the start of our journey. We have always wanted to provide a home for a child in need. We are beyond excited to take this next step and grow our family. After sharing the decision with our girls, their excitement alone re-affirmed our decision to move forward with this process. You would have thought we told them they were going to Disney World. The
excitement on their faces just filled my heart with joy. They have created their roles for when the baby arrives and they want to get a head start on decorating his room. Our baby girl started picking out which one of her bears she wanted to give him. Given that we have two daughters, we would like to add a baby boy to our family. The ER Story started with love and each chapter allows that love to grow even deeper. We can’t wait to add this next chapter to our lives. We know we will provide him with amazing opportunities and a family that will cherish and love him unconditionally.
When we decided to adopt, it was a natural decision to go internationally to my wife’s birth home – Haiti. Between the earthquake and the constant instability in the country, there are many children who have lost their parents and have no connection to a loving family. Growing up in Haiti, she remembers seeing the differences and the lack of opportunity for the children who did not grow up in a family environment. Recent events in Haiti has reinforced our decision. Unfortunately, it has caused extreme delays in our process as well. To be honest, we didn’t realize how expensive this process was until we picked our agency. No, we did not allow it to discourage us. We did not want this dream to be deferred due to lack of funds nor go into extreme debt to fulfill it. Our daughters are constantly asking when their baby brother will be home. We’ve had to explain that unfortunately the process takes time.
We know God’s delay is not his denial. Everything happens the way it was supposed to happen and we are externally grateful for the consideration and the grant. We can’t wait to welcome our baby boy home.
We are Earl and Roodgine Bray. We have been married for 13 years and have two beautiful daughters, Elise and Elisabeth. Earl was born in Virginia and Roodgine was born and raised in Haiti. Throughout our journey, Earl has continued to fall deeper in love and developed admiration for Haitian culture. We strive to provide our girls with the best of both cultures. The food we eat, the holidays we celebrate, music, decorations in our home, and even conversations we have with family reliving fond memories all ensure we remain immersed with Haitian culture. We can’t wait to do the same with our son. Before we got married, we often discussed our desire for our family dynamic. Our goal was to have 3 children and adopt a child. Our second pregnancy appeared to be smooth sailing until delivery day. There is nothing scarier than the fear of losing the love of your life while giving life to your child. What started out as a routine c-section and delivery of our second baby girl turned into a living nightmare. A day that started with tears of joy quickly turned into fear as my queen, the mother of my children, was not only in pain but was hemorrhaging uncontrollably. What’s worse, the doctors could not figure out why and they could not stop it. Her mother was there during our first delivery and naturally was present for this second one. The horror in her face and the pain in my wife’s face still haunt me to this day. There was no time for fear, as I had to do all I could to keep them both calm. My wife was in pain and I couldn’t let the doctor turn her pain into fear by describing their concerns. A specialist had to come from a nearby hospital before they were able to fully stop the bleeding and stabilize her. A few weeks later, we decided it was best not to try for the third baby. We didn’t realize until about a year ago that we never truly discussed what happened. For the first time, I shared with her and honestly admitted to myself the fear I experienced thinking I could have lost her in that hospital room. After discussing the rollercoaster of emotions in that hospital room, we realized that we cannot allow fear to win. There was a chapter missing from our story. It’s at that time we revisited the idea of completing our family through adoption. We are the first to go through the adoption process in our family, so we were a little nervous going through this process as we did not know what to expect. Our adoption agency has done an amazing job walking us through this process and answering our many questions. One of the biggest questions was about the financial commitment needed to complete the process. Steve stepped in and spoke highly about this company. He encouraged us to apply and submit our story for the grant.
Once we found out about the financial commitment required to complete this process, we were a little discouraged. But we had a strong desire to adopt a baby and we were not going to let anything stop us from reaching that goal. We started putting money away bit by bit to support the process. About a year has passed since we heard a response from the grants, so we were preparing ourselves to be ready in case we were not approved. Over the course of the year, the status of Haiti changed for the worse, and we received news that they paused processing applications. We were heartbroken for a moment but decided to keep a positive outlook and trust God to complete this process for us. While at work, we received an email from Michael. Usually, I do not check my personal email at work, but something in my spirit said pause and read the email. My heart dropped as I read this email congratulating us on receiving financing. Before I could get to the bottom of the email, Roodgine called me, and it was instant tears when I answered. This was the bit of hope we needed to let us know it will all work out and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. God always makes a way.
We are currently waiting for a match in Haiti. They have all of our documents, and we are waiting for that life changing email or call stating we have been matched with our child. Our family is so eager to meet our new addition and our daughters ask us frequently how much longer before their baby brother will be home. It has been a long process, but we are hopeful that we will be matched soon.
We are planning to travel to Haiti to pick up our child if it is safe. If not, we plan on meeting our agency representative in Florida and bringing our child home. Once we are matched, we can finally let our daughters begin their decoration of their baby brother’s room.
